soooo last night we went out to achtung baby after the beginning of the semester dinner(which was awesome by the way). and i learned from seth that german people say that(achtung +something i dont remember) during sex for some reason that is lost in my memories clouded with vodka shots and morcberry. it was a fun night. although looking back i can't help but feel a little hollow about the ways of socializing. im not really a going out person id much rather go to a coffee shop than a club. all in all though it was a good time.
ive also decided that im giving up alcohol for lent. and i bet my lil brother on it so its going to be lasting thing. i hate to lose.
ive been thinking about a bunch of random shit lately. like for example my scar---not the one on my toe or the one under my chin but THE scar. Its really funny actually. because i never really think about it usually. although now that i am meeting so many new people i wonder if my scar is part of the first impression i make on them. Are they like "whoa look at that" and all awkward about it. do they notice it at first? does it stand out or blend in. Its funny because its not something i am self conscious about at all and its not a sore subject. but people never really ask me about it so i think it must produce some effect on people. if not they would just ask right? well people. just ask.
so dont get offended if you are reading this newbies--im going to have a gossip girl moment. last night at the club there were some interesting pairs. like for instance one male member of the program being very close to a certain female on the program when i thought he had something else going on with an oldie. осторожно. thats all i have to say. this semesters group is very interesting. and also very different from last semester's group. i definitely am nostalgic for last semesters group. oh well.
oh i also fell for the first time the other day and almost took out a babushka with my foot. its very icy now that everythings melting and then freezing all over again. its getting to be that time of the year thats very dangerous for me. its almost march. for some reason every march i have a streak of bad luck and the universe is out to get me. i think a sign was when i fell the other day. its starting. i hope i dont get maimed by a falling icicle or something.
tomorrow is maslenitsa and i am very excited. we are planning on going to yelagin island for some festivities. i will bring my camera and hopefully post up some pictures. then we are making blini in our dorm and some friends might come over. all in all should be a good day.
til next time
Love,
--D
суббота, 28 февраля 2009 г.
четверг, 26 февраля 2009 г.
finally happy?
things are definitely looking up. i think my shitty mood is finally subsiding. im not really intimidated by the new people anymore. which is a good thing. and katy lafen is back. and she's always one to put you in a good mood. there have just been little things lately that have been so very good. for example feeling actually competent in class discussion, finally getting participles, and sunny mornings. im excited for this weekend. tomorrow there is a beginning of semester dinner at the lebanese restaurant. we are going out after and im looking forward to it. AND my computer stopped freaking out with blinking spasms. so now im no longer scared of my lifeline crashing.
til next time
love,
--D
til next time
love,
--D
воскресенье, 22 февраля 2009 г.
who said sunday was the day of rest?
sooooo today started off badly. I felt sick this morning and so kept sleeping until i felt better. it worked. I have basically been working on getting an internship/ doing my various homework assignments today. and of course hanging out with katy, since she just got back. cassel has been gone for a while--she went to pushkin or something today.
GUESS WHAT--i think i actually landed an internship which is awesome and seems like it will be interesting. its also flexible which really works for me. im pretty psyched.
tomorrow we are having a welcome back party for katy in our suite. that should be fun. im pretty excited. i need to be more active. i think ive been in a depression lately. i need more russian experiences. its weird only having class weds-friday. i need to find myself an internship for this semester to fill up some time.
i just looked out my window and its snowing pretty hard---not much motivation to go outside today. plus i have to skype with my parents in half an hour.
we'll see what happens..
til next time
love,
--D
GUESS WHAT--i think i actually landed an internship which is awesome and seems like it will be interesting. its also flexible which really works for me. im pretty psyched.
tomorrow we are having a welcome back party for katy in our suite. that should be fun. im pretty excited. i need to be more active. i think ive been in a depression lately. i need more russian experiences. its weird only having class weds-friday. i need to find myself an internship for this semester to fill up some time.
i just looked out my window and its snowing pretty hard---not much motivation to go outside today. plus i have to skype with my parents in half an hour.
we'll see what happens..
til next time
love,
--D
суббота, 21 февраля 2009 г.
lazy saturdays and the return of katy
soooo today was saturday and i woke up way too late for my own good. but in my defense i was tired as hell for all of yesterday so i deserved some added sleep. today Katie and I decided to go to nevsky to see a movie and then go to our fave coffee place for god's gift to russians: aka idealnaya chashka's hot chocolate. its literally like heaven in a cup. we saw shopoholic at the hydojestvenni movie theater by metro mayakovskaya. it was a pretty funny movie. we were stuck in the first row which is REALLLLLLLy close to the screen. like super close. the lady working at the ticket window thought i was crazy for actually buying those tickets (movie seats are assigned in russia). I love movies, mostly because for that 1.5-2 hours i find myself in another life feeling all the feelings of the heroine. If she finds love i feel that love and then once the movie has ended i feel that sinking its over and not real kind of thing. except with horror movies. i always have at least a little bit of paranoia about the paranormal after seeing one of those. i remember when i went to see the ring when i was in high school I was jittery even walking out of the darkened movie theater. I have a tendency to feel things to the extreme. Even with other people i tend to sense their emotions and take them onto myself sometimes--its weird and hard to explain. I can almost always tell what someone is feeling when i am with them--especially if i know them well. I think its because im so empathetic. quickfact: empathy was the top one of my five traits in that personality test i had to take for RA orientation. bleh i dont really feel like writing anymore. im going to go watch from justin to kelly: awesomely bad movie and therefore i cannot resist.
originally the above is all i posted but i feel like being more open and honest. thats just the mood i seem to be in right now. sooo i still love russia and everything i just think i didnt realize how different it would be this semester. i still don't really know anyone in the new group besides the select few people from last semester that i hung out with. i kind of feel out of place now. its weird. i feel less confident in my english social skills and surprisingly i feel more secure in my russian this semester.
its kind of lonely/annoying/disheartening that all of the newbies had all of the bonding time of orientation and the first two weeks and i wasnt a part of that. now its kind of just like im implanted here without the same connections as everyone else. and plus it doesnt really help that im shy and very not prone to opening up to people in large groups--its very intimidating for me-- which is the only socializing that happens here outside of classes. im so much better at one on one conversation. im listening to james blunt right now doing my musical therapy :p and i guess i kind of feel a little hollow right now (stealing his lyrics). i just dont know how to approach making new friends here. thats always kind of been a problem for me--i usually need a buffer and therefore meet alot of my friends through other friends. im not a very go out there and be proactive and meet people kind of person. except when im drinking. then i become more social with the liquid courage. but i dont like drinking--not really. i always feel bad about myself/my actions the morning after even when i dont get actually drunk. i feel like i dont act like myself when i drink and i somehow betray the person i really am. i have huge issues about alcohol. i think its evil. that comes from different experiences from my personal life that i dont really want to get into right now. the only good thing about alcohol is that it makes people more honest and open with each other.
last semester in the first or second class of Platt's dostoyevsky and shakespeare we read a philosopher's work about how people will not be completely comfortable and open with other people because of the constant fear that others are objectifying them. and i do believe in this theory. i know that i myself am never actually comfortable in opening up to people. i dont like giving parts of myself away to people. even to some of my closer friends or even sometimes family. sharing myself and my deep dark secrets (maybe not so dark) is a scary concept.
im very introspective and philosophical tonight. i blame it on the petersburg air. it brings out the 19th century artist/writer/poet in me. oh the romanticism...
until tomorrow
with love,
--D
mood: introspective with a hint of green tea
guess these lyrics:
i was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy whose reality i knew was too hopeless to be had.
originally the above is all i posted but i feel like being more open and honest. thats just the mood i seem to be in right now. sooo i still love russia and everything i just think i didnt realize how different it would be this semester. i still don't really know anyone in the new group besides the select few people from last semester that i hung out with. i kind of feel out of place now. its weird. i feel less confident in my english social skills and surprisingly i feel more secure in my russian this semester.
its kind of lonely/annoying/disheartening that all of the newbies had all of the bonding time of orientation and the first two weeks and i wasnt a part of that. now its kind of just like im implanted here without the same connections as everyone else. and plus it doesnt really help that im shy and very not prone to opening up to people in large groups--its very intimidating for me-- which is the only socializing that happens here outside of classes. im so much better at one on one conversation. im listening to james blunt right now doing my musical therapy :p and i guess i kind of feel a little hollow right now (stealing his lyrics). i just dont know how to approach making new friends here. thats always kind of been a problem for me--i usually need a buffer and therefore meet alot of my friends through other friends. im not a very go out there and be proactive and meet people kind of person. except when im drinking. then i become more social with the liquid courage. but i dont like drinking--not really. i always feel bad about myself/my actions the morning after even when i dont get actually drunk. i feel like i dont act like myself when i drink and i somehow betray the person i really am. i have huge issues about alcohol. i think its evil. that comes from different experiences from my personal life that i dont really want to get into right now. the only good thing about alcohol is that it makes people more honest and open with each other.
last semester in the first or second class of Platt's dostoyevsky and shakespeare we read a philosopher's work about how people will not be completely comfortable and open with other people because of the constant fear that others are objectifying them. and i do believe in this theory. i know that i myself am never actually comfortable in opening up to people. i dont like giving parts of myself away to people. even to some of my closer friends or even sometimes family. sharing myself and my deep dark secrets (maybe not so dark) is a scary concept.
im very introspective and philosophical tonight. i blame it on the petersburg air. it brings out the 19th century artist/writer/poet in me. oh the romanticism...
until tomorrow
with love,
--D
mood: introspective with a hint of green tea
guess these lyrics:
i was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy whose reality i knew was too hopeless to be had.
четверг, 19 февраля 2009 г.
Sooooo ladies and gentlemen. today my class was canceled---Shakespeare and Film--because the professor was sick. AND it was sunny out for once so Katie and I decided to go for a walk--not just any walk but a walk on frozen water. It was amazing and breathtaking and luckily i had my camera. A few of the pictures i took are up on this but then the rest are on my facebook page.We saw the cooooooolest things on our walk. It was sunset and veryyyy pretty and there were what i can only describe as "kite boarders/kite skiiers all over the place. It was sweet to watch. I wish i could do it. well these are my photos and more updates later!
среда, 18 февраля 2009 г.
so i'm starting another one...
hey there friends. so ive been back in st. petersburg for nearly two weeks and this time im making it a goal to actually keep a blog. because the last two times i failed miserably. but i blame that on lack of internet.
sooo updates. now that i am in the dorm, and have a constant access to internet i have no excuse not to recollect my russian memories in this electronic public diary. For those of you that don't know, this is my 3rd time coming back to this awesomely romantic 19th century city. So far so good--kinda sorta maybe. Its different this time around for sure. People are missing, there are too many new american students to count on my hands and its been kind of overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. But its an adventure.
I'm living in 1802 in my best friend's old bed and it's like i have taken her place. i miss her presence. you know who you are. some things are and feel the same but other things feel entirely different. These walls have the same peeling paint but now i am not seeing this room as a sanctuary from the host family like i did last semester. its just like any old place. i need to find a new saferoom i guess. Otherwise i actually like living here and fending for myself cooking my own food etc.
One thing i have found about being abroad--and reveled in-- has been the sense of independence i get from holding my own in a freaking large city with new people. This also makes me really appreciate all my people back home and all the friends i may/may not have lost touch with since high school. I wonder what they are all doing now? i wonder what their abroad experiences were like? are they having the same kinds of monumental experiences as i am? i hope so.
everyone always asks me "how's russia" or "how was it" depending on if i am home or here. I honestly don't know what to tell them. I could tell them what i think but it wouldn't really be the answer they are looking for. It's like life. Here and there I feel like the same thing. Its just life in different environments. There are still people I like and dislike, good days and bad days, and kindness of strangers that make me smile every so often. yes even in russia people can be unexpectedly nice. I still live and breathe by my ipod. I still like to have time to myself.
And I love this city. It seems to have two identities--the normal reality of urban life with tons of people and less time to spare, but then also there is this mystical quality about it that blindsides you in the most random instances. Sometimes when I am walking across the bridge to the Palace for classes and its freezing cold and the wind is harsh I will look up and see the most amazing land/sea scape and remember where i am. It hits me all at once that I really am in St. Petersburg and any misgivings I am feeling about the harsh winter weather or how many times i almost slipped in my walk so far fade into the background. And I am temporarily jolted out of the monotony of everyday life. its a good feeling.
less life philosophy and more description of everyday events. well this past friday was Eunice's birthday/Zach and Laura's apartment warming party. It was a fun night. A little crazy but fun anyway. Even bryan showed up for a little while and socialized with us lowly students. I had a good time. I even got to know a few of the newbies. And i am finding that i really like them. They are all so different and so unique it kind of amazes me. These were all perceptions that were kind of blurred by the effects of vodka and pepsi light but hey they were impressions all the same. I actually got to talk to a few of them in kind of detail and it was nice to learn what they are all about. I have a feeling this semester is going to be interesting.
then on sunday? night i went with radhika, louis and ben to alyosha---a sketchy little box of a bar/restaurant right by the metro that i must have passed almost everyday last semester but never went into. It was kind of hilarious. I sat there while they discussed the beats and kerouac and keats and I realized i didn't really have much to say on that subject--which made me think i need to become more well read when i get home. in all the spare time i have. they (louis ben and radhika) have some interesting opinions. i like it. it was a good time though because there were drunken russian oldies that were dancing all over the place and one older guy who insisted on coming over to us multiple times when he heard us speaking english. He said some crazy comments that I am not going to repeat here--partially because i didnt understand all of them due to the serious slurring--and partially due to the fact that what he said was kind of offensive haah.
but getting to know all the newbies is making me seriously miss some people from last semester. like emily of course because she was like my other half and sofie and eric in rsl--they made it interesting. I also miss randoms like matt and his crazy dance moves and lovely singing voice on the bus back from pskov. and pinski of course because we had shared experiences from summer and because his comments were priceless. i like puzzles and all of them were puzzles. i miss my puzzles.
enough for now. i think thats a long enough post to bore you all (if there is anyone reading this) to tears.
love you
--D
sooo updates. now that i am in the dorm, and have a constant access to internet i have no excuse not to recollect my russian memories in this electronic public diary. For those of you that don't know, this is my 3rd time coming back to this awesomely romantic 19th century city. So far so good--kinda sorta maybe. Its different this time around for sure. People are missing, there are too many new american students to count on my hands and its been kind of overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. But its an adventure.
I'm living in 1802 in my best friend's old bed and it's like i have taken her place. i miss her presence. you know who you are. some things are and feel the same but other things feel entirely different. These walls have the same peeling paint but now i am not seeing this room as a sanctuary from the host family like i did last semester. its just like any old place. i need to find a new saferoom i guess. Otherwise i actually like living here and fending for myself cooking my own food etc.
One thing i have found about being abroad--and reveled in-- has been the sense of independence i get from holding my own in a freaking large city with new people. This also makes me really appreciate all my people back home and all the friends i may/may not have lost touch with since high school. I wonder what they are all doing now? i wonder what their abroad experiences were like? are they having the same kinds of monumental experiences as i am? i hope so.
everyone always asks me "how's russia" or "how was it" depending on if i am home or here. I honestly don't know what to tell them. I could tell them what i think but it wouldn't really be the answer they are looking for. It's like life. Here and there I feel like the same thing. Its just life in different environments. There are still people I like and dislike, good days and bad days, and kindness of strangers that make me smile every so often. yes even in russia people can be unexpectedly nice. I still live and breathe by my ipod. I still like to have time to myself.
And I love this city. It seems to have two identities--the normal reality of urban life with tons of people and less time to spare, but then also there is this mystical quality about it that blindsides you in the most random instances. Sometimes when I am walking across the bridge to the Palace for classes and its freezing cold and the wind is harsh I will look up and see the most amazing land/sea scape and remember where i am. It hits me all at once that I really am in St. Petersburg and any misgivings I am feeling about the harsh winter weather or how many times i almost slipped in my walk so far fade into the background. And I am temporarily jolted out of the monotony of everyday life. its a good feeling.
less life philosophy and more description of everyday events. well this past friday was Eunice's birthday/Zach and Laura's apartment warming party. It was a fun night. A little crazy but fun anyway. Even bryan showed up for a little while and socialized with us lowly students. I had a good time. I even got to know a few of the newbies. And i am finding that i really like them. They are all so different and so unique it kind of amazes me. These were all perceptions that were kind of blurred by the effects of vodka and pepsi light but hey they were impressions all the same. I actually got to talk to a few of them in kind of detail and it was nice to learn what they are all about. I have a feeling this semester is going to be interesting.
then on sunday? night i went with radhika, louis and ben to alyosha---a sketchy little box of a bar/restaurant right by the metro that i must have passed almost everyday last semester but never went into. It was kind of hilarious. I sat there while they discussed the beats and kerouac and keats and I realized i didn't really have much to say on that subject--which made me think i need to become more well read when i get home. in all the spare time i have. they (louis ben and radhika) have some interesting opinions. i like it. it was a good time though because there were drunken russian oldies that were dancing all over the place and one older guy who insisted on coming over to us multiple times when he heard us speaking english. He said some crazy comments that I am not going to repeat here--partially because i didnt understand all of them due to the serious slurring--and partially due to the fact that what he said was kind of offensive haah.
but getting to know all the newbies is making me seriously miss some people from last semester. like emily of course because she was like my other half and sofie and eric in rsl--they made it interesting. I also miss randoms like matt and his crazy dance moves and lovely singing voice on the bus back from pskov. and pinski of course because we had shared experiences from summer and because his comments were priceless. i like puzzles and all of them were puzzles. i miss my puzzles.
enough for now. i think thats a long enough post to bore you all (if there is anyone reading this) to tears.
love you
--D
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